Lately, I've been struggling with feelings of loneliness. This didn't make sense to me. I have family that loves me, and friends around me. So why the loneliness?
The problem, as I currently see it, is that my friends and family all want to help me - which is very much appreciated. This is a very nice thing, very helpful, but I don't always need help or need an ear. Sometimes, I want to be the ear for them. Sometimes, I want to go out to dinner or a movie, not because I need an escape, but just to spend time with a person talking about anything other than my problems.
It is almost like people don't know what to do with me if I'm not experiencing an issue. (And believe me, I've plenty of those!) I'd like to be treated as a trusted friend, not a friend who has much on her shoulders.
But how to express this? I don't want to sound ungrateful or cranky - while the cranky part does fit at times, the ungrateful part never does. It is such a blessing to have so many willing to help. But every once in a while, I'd like to forget that I've needed help, and I'd like to do the helping. Or at the very least, be the friend who you think of when you want to just hang out.
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Helping Out
One of the hardest things for me to handle since Mark has been gone is to accept help. Friends and family cared about him too, and while I've understood it helps them to do something to help his family, I've never been one to accept help graciously or easily. Which is definitely not one of my best characteristics. However, friends and family have ignored me and helped out anyway.
How do I thank the ladies who sat in the waiting room of the ICU, not knowing whether I'd have time to speak with them, just being there in case I needed something? The people who took the time to bring food to my house so my mom didn't have to cook for 15 or more people each night? The ladies who brought snacks to the hospital so I wouldn't have to leave the hospital room for food? Who brought me a toothbrush/toothpaste combo? The church family who prayed without ceasing, and who still pray for us today? Those who brought me fountain Diet Cokes? Who still check on me from time to time to see if I need any help? Who came to Mark's memorial even though they didn't know him well, but wanted to support my family? The moms who gave my children sweet memorials to honor their dad? It is humbling to have so many who reached out to my family, and ignored what I said. They knew I needed help, even though I was reluctant to ask for assistance.
These people don't expect thank-yous, don't expect compliments, but gave out of their hearts. I asked my parents, how do I say thank you? How can I express how much they have meant to me? All I can do is pay it forward.
So, in honor of those who have cared for my family, thank you from the bottom of my heart. A cliched term, but a very honest feeling in my case. And know that my life, and the children's lives, have been touched by your caring, and we plan to pay it forward wherever, and whenever, we can.
How do I thank the ladies who sat in the waiting room of the ICU, not knowing whether I'd have time to speak with them, just being there in case I needed something? The people who took the time to bring food to my house so my mom didn't have to cook for 15 or more people each night? The ladies who brought snacks to the hospital so I wouldn't have to leave the hospital room for food? Who brought me a toothbrush/toothpaste combo? The church family who prayed without ceasing, and who still pray for us today? Those who brought me fountain Diet Cokes? Who still check on me from time to time to see if I need any help? Who came to Mark's memorial even though they didn't know him well, but wanted to support my family? The moms who gave my children sweet memorials to honor their dad? It is humbling to have so many who reached out to my family, and ignored what I said. They knew I needed help, even though I was reluctant to ask for assistance.
These people don't expect thank-yous, don't expect compliments, but gave out of their hearts. I asked my parents, how do I say thank you? How can I express how much they have meant to me? All I can do is pay it forward.
So, in honor of those who have cared for my family, thank you from the bottom of my heart. A cliched term, but a very honest feeling in my case. And know that my life, and the children's lives, have been touched by your caring, and we plan to pay it forward wherever, and whenever, we can.
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